IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Writing Task 1

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Writing Task 1
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the spending for three different tasks
such
Linking Words
 as food and drinks,
Use synonyms
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and
hotel
Use synonyms
 and entertainment in Britain
according to
Linking Words
 five
age
Use synonyms
 groups in 2004. It is obvious that people have spent in different ways for those tasks and it
differ
Change the verb form
differs
show examples
 with their
age
Use synonyms
.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, most of them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
allocated their income for food and drinks
exept
Correct your spelling
except
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 30 whose great sums are for
Use synonyms
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and
Use synonyms
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 when
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 76 and
above spent
Add a hyphen
above-spent
show examples
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food and drinks
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 22.05%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their total income. Indeed there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increasing pattern
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge proportion of
money
Use synonyms
 had for entertainment. Particularly,
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 61-75 group had more
entetainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 than the others which was the same amount of 76+ group for consuming.
However
Linking Words
, the least amount had been spent
people
Change preposition
by people
show examples
 under 30 for
entetainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 and it was slightly more
yhan
Correct your spelling
than
 5% during the 76+ group
also
Linking Words
 spend nearly two times more than them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 30 had allocated more
money
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 and
Use synonyms
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
while
Linking Words
 31-45 and 46-60 spent same almost 12.5%.
However
Linking Words
, 61-75 have
baan
Correct your spelling
been
 spent
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 and
Use synonyms
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 which is nearly 2.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, people have spent more
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 eating and drinking with entertainment.
Submitted by shanikanir86 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, however".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words resturant, hotel, age, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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What to do next:
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