IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employees see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a concslusion.

#employers #offer #employees #membership #gyms #sports #clubs #staff #work #benefit #arguments #aspects #debate #concslusion
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Nowadays, many companies have started providing varied perks to their
employees
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to maintain their effectiveness at
work
. One of
such
 perks is that they have started giving their
employees
 subsidised membership of gyms and sports
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 which many
employees
 consider as not beneficial. In
this
 essay, I would be discussing
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of
this
 approach and in the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 will provide my conclusion . On the one hand, providing
such
 benefits to the
employees
 will enable
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them to lead a healthy life by going to gyms to remain fit and healthy . Healthier the workforce, more the
efficiency
Replace the word
efficient
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the resources at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 which will eventually benefit the
company
 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 run. Not only it proves
advantegeous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 to the institution but
overall
 to the
employees
 too. Fit and healthy people would not often fall sick and will have improved immunity to combat any illness too.
However
,
on the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 it is observed that only
fraction
Correct article usage
a fraction
show examples
 of the associates follow the fitness regime by joining those clubs and gyms . For eg, based on the survey from one of the
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
, it was observed that women force especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
married women were found to be not taking benefit of
this
 opportunity as there is hardly any time left for them to
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue
show examples
these activity
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
 after office and household
work
. In my conclusion, I would say that
although
 it is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 initiative started by the
company
,
however
 , not all the
employees
 or
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 is not able to take equal benefit of the same and
hence
in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, in my opinion,
show examples
 employers should think of some alternative way in order to improve the task force performance in order to boon
company
's performance and revenue.
Submitted by desaivini9 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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