Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

In the

last

few years, particularly after the COVID-19 pandemic, young kids and adolescents

spend

Wrong verb form

have spent

show examples

much time watching television and playing online video

games

This

has been criticized intermittently by people who consider

such

activities, as dangerous to youth health and especially worrisome for a growing brain. I almost completely agree with

this

belief. In

this

essay, I shall explain my opinion with supportive ideas.

Firstly

, children spend a great amount of their time in online fun which

therefore

affects a lot on their physical activities. We know that, for childhood age, participation in social gatherings, sports and group activities is essential for their growth and development.

Also

, it is important to prepare them for their future life and successful working. Lack of these preparative life skills would affect them in their later working and happiness.

Moreover

, excessive usage of online

games

and TV dramas sometimes affects a child's personality and leads to isolation

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

mental illnesses and personality disorders.

Next,

apart from issues on personal health, there are internet criminals, who target innocent children as they are excessively involved with online

games

. These people build

such

games

to attract kids to chase money and family.

For example

, a few years back, an unfortunate

true

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

incident happened which took the lives of many children. In conclusion, I completely agree that excessive television watching and internet

games

require attention as it is affecting child's mental health but

also

advise their limited usage rather than fully stopping.

Submitted by sonyasharma01 on Wed Aug 02 2023

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Ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the topic fully and with clear examples. Engage critically with the prompt to present a balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the organization and linking of ideas for better coherence and flow.

lexical resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary throughout the essay. Work on using more precise and sophisticated vocabulary to further enrich your essay.

grammatical range

Your sentences are generally well-constructed, but there are some errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice. Aim for more varied sentence structures and careful proofreading to eliminate these errors.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The rise of social media has affected personal relatioships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actor, singer or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead

Many people believe that playing games teaches us about life while others believe that children waste their time by playing games. What is your opinion?