Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

In the

last

few years, particularly after the COVID-19 pandemic, young kids and adolescents

spend

Wrong verb form

have spent

show examples

much time watching television and playing online video

games

This

has been criticized intermittently by people who consider

such

activities, as dangerous to youth health and especially worrisome for a growing brain. I almost completely agree with

this

belief. In

this

essay, I shall explain my opinion with supportive ideas.

Firstly

, children spend a great amount of their time in online fun which

therefore

affects a lot on their physical activities. We know that, for childhood age, participation in social gatherings, sports and group activities is essential for their growth and development.

Also

, it is important to prepare them for their future life and successful working. Lack of these preparative life skills would affect them in their later working and happiness.

Moreover

, excessive usage of online

games

and TV dramas sometimes affects a child's personality and leads to isolation

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

mental illnesses and personality disorders.

Next,

apart from issues on personal health, there are internet criminals, who target innocent children as they are excessively involved with online

games

. These people build

such

games

to attract kids to chase money and family.

For example

, a few years back, an unfortunate

true

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

incident happened which took the lives of many children. In conclusion, I completely agree that excessive television watching and internet

games

require attention as it is affecting child's mental health but

also

advise their limited usage rather than fully stopping.

Submitted by sonyasharma01 on Wed Aug 02 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the topic fully and with clear examples. Engage critically with the prompt to present a balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the organization and linking of ideas for better coherence and flow.

lexical resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary throughout the essay. Work on using more precise and sophisticated vocabulary to further enrich your essay.

grammatical range

Your sentences are generally well-constructed, but there are some errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice. Aim for more varied sentence structures and careful proofreading to eliminate these errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
One of the most successful way in achieving goals is hard-working and making an effort, whereas some people assume that money and physical appearance play an essential role in success. From my point of view, although there are various advantages in using possessions and external qualities to be successful, it should be recognized that trying one’s best is more crucial to acquire aims in life.
4.5
band
Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree.
One of popular methods to overcome the criminal issues is prison. On the other hand, there some people believe that education proposes fruitful suggestion to reduce the illegal act. I personally ultimately agree with proposing education as fundamental step related to several points of view.
4.5
band
Some people believe that students should acquire working experience during their gap year instead of travelling. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples
The precedence of practical work versus travelling which was always a hotly debatable topic has now become more controversial while copious folks claim that it is essential for pupils to get hands-on experience during their year of break. while critics argue that it is not mandatory instead students should visit different parts of the world. In my, opinion the formal propositions appear to be more rational. This essay will further elaborate my views on the positive and negative aspects of the trend and thus will lead to a logical conclusion.
6
band
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Technologies change the whole world, especially in this new generation. Advanced automation modifies the way we think and work. The young generation also uses the new types of equipment and spends their leisure hours. The following paragraphs contain the merits and demerits of these new gadgets and their effects on the lives of children.
4.5
band
When families have a meal together it is considered social activity. Do you think eating together is important to people in your country?
It is irrefutable that eating together is a social activity. Sharing dinner together gives everyone a sense of identity. It can help ease day-to-day conflicts, as well as establish traditions and memories that can last a lifetime. The first and foremost advantage of eating together is that it creates a sense of belonging. Conversations during the meal provide opportunities for the family to bond and learn from one another. It‘s a chance to share information and news of the day, as well as give extra attention to your children and teens. Family meals foster warmth, security and love, as well as feelings of belonging. It can be a unifying experience for all. Secondly, family mealtime is the perfect opportunity to teach appropriate table manners, etiquette, and social skills. Parents can be perfect role models in this and children learn by following them. What is more, meals prepared and eaten at home are usually more nutritious and healthy. They contain more fr...

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that students should acquire working experience during their gap year instead of travelling. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

When families have a meal together it is considered social activity. Do you think eating together is important to people in your country?