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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world #summerise #information #features #comparisons
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The charts show the proportions of water usage on three items(industrial,agricultural and domestic) in 6 different countries around the world.
Overall
Linking Words
,the highest proportion among
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 countries belongs to agricultural
use
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
, Europe and South America spent much amount of water on domestic sections. Industrial usage in North America and Europe was about 48% and 53% respectively and had almost half of the total amount.
In contrast
Linking Words
 , less than 10% of water consumption in Africa,Central Asia and South Asia was allocated to
this
Linking Words
 section .(7% , 5% and 12%) Moving to agricultural
use
Use synonyms
 ,a remarkable ratio was dedicated to
this
Linking Words
 field
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
84% for African people,88% for Central
Asian
Fix the agreement mistake
Asians
show examples
 and 81%
regarding
Change preposition
for
show examples
 South East
Asian
Fix the agreement mistake
Asians
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 ,North
American
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
 and European spent less than 40% of
this
Linking Words
 section.( 39% the former and 32% the latter)
On the other hand
Linking Words
,domestic
use
Use synonyms
 has the same proportion of about 7% in South East and Central Asia , just 2% more in Africa.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
feagures
Correct your spelling
figures
 were 15% and 13% respectively for
Eropean
Correct your spelling
European
 and North
American
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
. All in all ,the highest percentage
referes
Correct your spelling
refers
 to South
American
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 about 19% in terms of domestic
use
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jannathsamia576 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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