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Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in nine month in 2015

The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in nine month in 2015
#bar #percentage #males #females #city #activities #nine #month
The bar chart makes a comparison between the
percentage
 of
males
 and
females
 aged 18-20 in a city who participated in 5 activities (basketball, cycling, football, swimming, hockey) in nine months in 2015.
Overall
, the
percentage
 of
males
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
 in various activities
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher
show examples
 than
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
. The
males
 participated the most
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 football
while
 the
females
 participated in cycling.
In contrast
, both the
males
 and
females
 participated the least
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 hockey. A deep analysis of the bar chart provided reveals the
percentage
 of
males
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 football is highest with around 52%.
Next,
the
percentage
 of
males
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 basketball
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher
show examples
 than the
percentage
 of
males
 with around 33%. Meanwhile,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 hockey, the
percentage
 of
males
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
 than the
percentage
 of
females
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 12%. It is noticeable that the
percentage
 of
females
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cycling
slightly
Add a missing verb
was slightly
show examples
 more than the
percentage
 of
males
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 40%.
In addition
, the
percentage
 of
females
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 swimming is higher than the
percentage
 of
males
 with around 35%.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 11 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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