The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in nine month in 2015

The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females aged 18-20 in a city who participated in a various activities in nine month in 2015
The bar chart makes a comparison between the
percentage
of
males
and
females
aged 18-20 in a city who participated in 5 activities (basketball, cycling, football, swimming, hockey) in nine months in 2015.
Overall
, the
percentage
of
males
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
in various activities
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher
show examples
than
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
. The
males
participated the most
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
football
while
the
females
participated in cycling.
In contrast
, both the
males
and
females
participated the least
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
hockey. A deep analysis of the bar chart provided reveals the
percentage
of
males
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
football is highest with around 52%.
Next,
the
percentage
of
males
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
basketball
higher
Add a missing verb
was higher
show examples
than the
percentage
of
males
with around 33%. Meanwhile,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
hockey, the
percentage
of
males
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
than the
percentage
of
females
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
around 12%. It is noticeable that the
percentage
of
females
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
cycling
slightly
Add a missing verb
was slightly
show examples
more than the
percentage
of
males
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
around 40%.
In addition
, the
percentage
of
females
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
swimming is higher than the
percentage
of
males
with around 35%.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, males, females with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 11 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: