IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work they do. How far do you agree? What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world, the distribution of salaries between different sectors is considered unfair by many experts. Many professions like acting are paid tens of times more than teaching. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 fee approach is not acceptable in any way and there should be more attention to the healthcare and education system than other less important fields. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will illustrate the importance of certain jobs and suggest a simple but valuable standard of payment dedicated to them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it has been proven that certain occupations have been playing crucial roles in mankind’s survivability throughout history.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for a society to develop and overcome disabilities it is necessary to invest in some sectors in specific. Education and health are one of the two most valuable portions compared to the entertainment or business industry.
Hence
Linking Words
, supporting their personal finances would benefit the whole community.
For example
Linking Words
, during the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic, when everything was locked down, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 medical personnel on the frontline dealing with the harsh conditions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is momentous that the money spent should be allocated in sectors which benefit the whole population not only the small proportion of individuals like business managers. In order to classify the significance of a profession I will propose some important considerations. First and foremost, the level of possible effects on the community should be prioritized.
For example
Linking Words
, how much the segment would be beneficial to humans in their social and safety evolution must be
though-out
Correct your spelling
thought out
show examples
. The more it affects mankind's progress, the more should that field’s employees be financially supported.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the hard-work labour community as one of the main arms of the countries’ economy is in the next position. In conclusion, it is widely unacceptable to support sections with less precious impact on humanity like actresses and actors with high wages.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the amount of hard work and positive effects on development and health has to be considered as the main standard for the content of salaries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay shows a good level of task response, addressing the prompt and presenting clear ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported, although there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas within paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terms to express ideas. There is some repetition of vocabulary that could be avoided through the use of synonyms and varied language.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy, with varied sentence structures and appropriate use of tenses. However, there are some errors in punctuation and word choice that could be revised for better clarity and coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: