IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart indicates the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 older people allocated for various activities in a specific country
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, adults have spent more than 50 per cent of their
time
Use synonyms
 working and sleeping in both 1958 and 2008,
whereas
Linking Words
 other activities like sports, family
time
Use synonyms
, leisure
time
Use synonyms
, and travelling have hovered around the same proportions with little fluctuations over five decades. In 1958, older people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent most of their
time
Use synonyms
 working which is 33 per cent and spent almost the same
time
Use synonyms
 sleeping which is 32 per cent. About 19% of their
time
Use synonyms
 has been utilized for family and friends and 8% to relax at home. Very little
time
Use synonyms
 has been occupied for fitness and other interests and
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 they have taken is for travelling.
However
Linking Words
, 50 years later, in 2008, the
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
 citizens seem to work 9% more and sleep 7% less than compared to the year 1958.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travel
time
Use synonyms
 has increased by 6% and relaxing
time
Use synonyms
 has moved up by 5%. A 2% hike in
time
Use synonyms
 spent doing sports and different interests from 1958 can be observed.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the number of hours spent with family and friends has seen a significant drop of 13%.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • percentage
  • activities
  • working adults
  • summarise
  • report
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • relevant
  • time spent
  • work-related
  • leisure
  • personal care
  • travel
  • noticeable trends
  • over a period
  • devoted
  • significant changes
  • contrast
  • compare
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