IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.

The pie chart shows change sin 4 employment sector in two towns.
#change #sin #employment #sector #two #towns
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The charts illustrate information about changes in job parts in two different towns.
Overall
Linking Words
,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 of city A displays that service after a
while
Linking Words
 increased considerably.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in town B Manufacturing gradually decreased.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in town
A
Change the article
The
show examples
 smallest minority of the total was services in 1960 (29). After
50-year
Add an article
a 50-year
show examples
 period
this
Linking Words
part
Use synonyms
 by far serged to 64 in 2010. By applying contrast, the biggest
part
Use synonyms
 in 1960 was Manufacturing (41).
While
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 period in question 2010 decreased to 20. On the other town B smallest
part
Use synonyms
 in 1960 was servicing it occupy 10,
however
Linking Words
 after a
while
Linking Words
 decreased considerably to 20.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
 Manufacturing in 1960 was
biggest
Change the article
the biggest
show examples
part
Use synonyms
 of the total it occupy 70,
while
Linking Words
 declined by 58
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
 in question.
Submitted by pasha2400 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words part with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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