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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three type of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three type of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparison where relevant.
The proportion of three different nutritions including
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and
sugar
Use synonyms
 added in food are found in general meals and is illustrated in the form of pie charts. It is considered that some kinds of them would not be good for health if people had consumed them often.
Overall
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 holds the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in snacks,
while
Linking Words
dinner
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
 contain the largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of both
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 contains the least amount for all three.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie charts, the highest proportion of
additional
Replace the word
added
show examples
 sugars is found in snacks at 43%,
while
Linking Words
breakfast
Use synonyms
 has the smallest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 at 16%.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
dinner
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
 have the second and third largest percentages of
sugar
Use synonyms
 at 23% and 19%, respectively. Other substances
such
Linking Words
 as
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat show a similar
percentage
Use synonyms
 in both
dinner
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
. Looking
further
Linking Words
 into the details,
sodium
Use synonyms
 is found in equal amounts at
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
 at levels of 14%.
Next,
Linking Words
the second chart shows that
dinner
Use synonyms
 accounts for the largest amount of saturated fat at 37%, followed by
lunch
Use synonyms
 (26%) and snacks (21%). With the least amount of saturated fat (16%), added
sugar
Use synonyms
 (16%) and
sodium
Use synonyms
 (14%) is
breakfast
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, percentage, dinner, lunch, breakfast with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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