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Band 4.5

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.

The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds of home tasks (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house. The second chart shows the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.
#first #percentages #women #men #country #kinds #home #tasks #pet #house #second #amount #time #gender
D The given first
chart
 demonstrates the
ratio
 of individuals including in some kinds of
housework
 with cooking,
tiding
Correct your spelling
tidying
show examples
, pet caring, and fixing the house based on their gender in a country. The given
second
chart
 provides a comparison of the amount of
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
time
 by gender.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen from the first
chart
 that
whereas
 the percentage of
men
 making
housework
 is less than
women
,
according to
 the
second
chart
, the proportion of
women
 consuming
time
 to make
housework
 is higher than those of
men
. Turning to the first main feature, where making
housework
 is considered,
while
 the
ratio
 of
men
 including cooking,
cleaning
Correct word choice
and cleaning
show examples
 reaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60% and 40%, respectively, the figures for
women
 reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80%, and 60%, respectively. When it comes to house repairs, those of
men
 with about 19%
surpasses
Correct subject-verb agreement
surpass
show examples
 the
ratio
 of
women
 with 10%.
However
, in pet
care
Add a comma
,care
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender are almost involved in the same
ratio
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20%. As for the
second
 main feature, in relation to consuming
time
,
while
 the
ratio
 of
men
 spending
time
 for cooking and cleaning is 60% and around 40%, respectively, those of
women
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 82% and 68%. The most significant difference that can be observed
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
second
chart
 is to consume
time
 for house repairs because
men
 spend approximately 20%,
women
Correct word choice
and women
show examples
 spend only around 2.5%.
Submitted by eerkare on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, ratio, housework, second, time, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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