IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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he given bar chart how many residents in the UK spend their money in three categories (
Food
Use synonyms
 and drinks, restaurants and hotels, and Entertainment) during 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the chart is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks experienced an upward trend during the period in question,
while
Linking Words
 restaurants and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
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 were the least sector
people
Use synonyms
 spend their money on in all age groups and it showed down ward trend during 2004. Regarding the provided details, in 2004, youth's
food
Use synonyms
 and hotel expenditure accounted
by
Change preposition
for
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 5%.
then
Linking Words
 it saw a significant increase between
people
Use synonyms
 from 31 to 45 and
this
Linking Words
 expenditure increased to around 7%. after that,
food
Use synonyms
 and drink spending saw
a
Remove the article
apply
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steady growth until it reach its peak for elders who
is
Change the verb form
are
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 bigger than 76 years
people
Use synonyms
 by 23%.
Linking Words
in
Capitalize word
In
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 contrast,
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who enjoy spending their money on entertainment there was a similar rate from the age of 30 until 45 and presented by 6%.
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 spen increased slightly for the age category from 40 to 60 years and it rose around one of twenty. and old
people
Use synonyms
 from 61
food
Use synonyms
 expenditure and those from 76 and more
spent
Change the form of the verb
spending
show examples
 for entertainment and
food
Use synonyms
 was equal.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from 61 to 75 restaurant and hotel spends were bottom of the list and accounted for less than 2%.
Submitted by aliaelarabi5 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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