IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of six types of work in employees and self-employed people by gender and job in manual and non-manual in Great Britain in 1997.

The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of six types of work in employees and self-employed people by gender and job in manual and non-manual in Great Britain in 1997.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of six types of
work
Use synonyms
 in employees and self-employed people by gender and job
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
manual and non-manual in Great Britain in 1997.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
males
Use synonyms
 in managerial and professional
work
Use synonyms
 was considerably higher. In manual
work
Use synonyms
, the overwhelming majority of workers were
males
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consisting
24
Change preposition
of 24
show examples
%
while
Linking Words
females
Use synonyms
 rate showed 3% in crafting or similar. As mentioned above, in non-manual
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, most men worked in managerial and professional spheres showing 36
percent
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 approximately one-third of women worked in
this
Linking Words
 area. In other manual works were marginally
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 in their proportion: for
females
Use synonyms
 27%, for
males
Use synonyms
 26%. Six
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
males
Use synonyms
 worked in clerical or related
work
Use synonyms
 in comparison to
females
Use synonyms
 which rates 31%. General labourers were least popular among
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 showing two and one
percent
Use synonyms
. Nine
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of female works in non-manual occupations,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 proportion for
males
Use synonyms
 indicates 6%

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, males, females, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • manual labor
  • non-manual labor
  • self-employed
  • employee
  • sector
  • Great Britain
  • gender disparity
  • dynamics
  • labor market
  • prevalence
  • trend
  • occupation
  • distribution
  • 1997
  • pie chart
  • workforce
  • analysis
  • contrast
  • comparison
What to do next:
Look at other essays: