The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia.

The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia.
Modern
gadgets
like smartphones and tablets are widely used by young
people
. Could these
devices
boost
creativity
among youngsters potentially?
This
is a controversial question
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
scientists
. I, personally, believe that if these
devices
are used properly, they have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
to bring
creativity
to the youth. On the one hand, it has been said that young
people
waste a huge amount of
time
using modern
gadgets
so, they cannot think broadly or concentrate on what they should do and just do an aimless activity.
However
,
this
seems kind of cliché to a group of
scientists
and they state that the
time
usage of modern
devices
is not an idleness. They claim that
although
these
gadgets
are apparent
time
consumer
devices
, they create wonderful opportunities
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
are given to young
people
to become familiar with a wide variety of activities, ideas, and scientific issues. As they encounter a new topic, not only do more related ideas come to their mind but
also
motivate them to continue searching which leads to even more
creativity
. In regard to the
creativity
that
such
devices
bring, it has been seen that many
people
use their cellphones or tablets for games, raddles, drawing, or design. These activities are linked with thinking.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
fact, the more
time
they spend on these activities through modern
gadgets
, the more creative person they will become. It has been proven that the individuals who play more games or riddle, have a wider horizon and they can solve the problems far easier than others. Artists or drawers, in the other case, have a great opportunity for trial and error. They can implement whatever comes to their mind in these
devices
without worry and improve their design until they are satisfied. In conclusion, the youth whether they are gamers or artists or whatever, can benefit from the potential of these
devices
.
Although
there is an argument among
scientists
,
according to
a statement of some
scientists
, the usage of these modern
gadgets
can make them a more creative person. As I said earlier, I agree with
this
group of
scientists
.
Submitted by elikaaghaii on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words gadgets, people, devices, creativity, scientists, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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