IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two pie chart below show some employment pattern in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie chart below show some employment pattern in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #employment #pattern #britain #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts reveal information about the percentage of employment among
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
manual
Correct article usage
the manual
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 and non-manual categories in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, Most of
Add an article
the female
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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 in Great Britain
keen
Add a missing verb
were keen
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 to
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 non-manual occupations,
while
Linking Words
 most of the
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 did manual jobs in the given year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the highest percentage, which is reported for male employment
pattern
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patterns
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, was for managerial and professional, in comparison with
female
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females
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, who did clerical and related more than other categories. In the case of
female
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females
show examples
, almost 70% of them did non-manual jobs, with 31% for clerical and related, 29% for managerial and professional and 9% for other non-manual professions respectively. The employment rate for men had a different pattern, 36% of them did managerial
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 which was the highest proportion. Clerical and other non-manual jobs had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar percentage with 6% for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both cases. Craft or similar had the most followers among both
male
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males
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 and
female
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females
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 with 27% and 26% respectively. 24% of British
male
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males
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 did other manual
works
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work
show examples
 in 1992,
while
Linking Words
 only 2% of women did these kinds of occupations.
Finally
Linking Words
, general labourers had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 ratio among British
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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as well as
Linking Words
 British
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 with only 2% and 1%.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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