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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The two pie chart below show some employment pattern in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie chart below show some employment pattern in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #employment #pattern #britain #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The pie charts reveal information about the percentage of employment among
male
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males
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 and
female
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females
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 in
manual
Correct article usage
the manual
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 and non-manual categories in 1992.
Overall
, Most of
Add an article
the female
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female
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females
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 in Great Britain
keen
Add a missing verb
were keen
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 to
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 non-manual occupations,
while
 most of the
male
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males
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 did manual jobs in the given year.
Furthermore
, the highest percentage, which is reported for male employment
pattern
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patterns
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, was for managerial and professional, in comparison with
female
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females
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, who did clerical and related more than other categories. In the case of
female
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females
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, almost 70% of them did non-manual jobs, with 31% for clerical and related, 29% for managerial and professional and 9% for other non-manual professions respectively. The employment rate for men had a different pattern, 36% of them did managerial
thing
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things
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 which was the highest proportion. Clerical and other non-manual jobs had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar percentage with 6% for
the
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apply
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both cases. Craft or similar had the most followers among both
male
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males
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 and
female
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females
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 with 27% and 26% respectively. 24% of British
male
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males
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 did other manual
works
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work
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 in 1992,
while
 only 2% of women did these kinds of occupations.
Finally
, general labourers had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 ratio among British
female
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females
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as well as
 British
male
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males
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 with only 2% and 1%.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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