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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #silkworm #stages #production #silk #cloth #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pictures illustrate the life cycle of the silkworm and the procedure to manufacture the
silk
Use synonyms
 goods.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are four main phases for a silkworm egg to transform into a
moth
Use synonyms
 which will take 40
days
Use synonyms
 at the maximum. Once ready, the selected
moth
Use synonyms
 is
then
Linking Words
 processed in a step to produce
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
 and the remaining three steps to become
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
silk
Use synonyms
cotton
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the silkworm egg is transformed into a larva within 10
days
Use synonyms
. The larva gets its nutrition from the mulberry leaf and changes into
silk
Use synonyms
cotton
Use synonyms
 after 4-6 weeks, which is the longest phase in the cycle. After 3-8
days
Use synonyms
, the
silk
Use synonyms
cotton
Use synonyms
 is turned into a cocoon and
finally
Linking Words
 a
moth
Use synonyms
 after the next 16
days
Use synonyms
. Only selected moths can be
further
Linking Words
 processed to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
silk
Use synonyms
 goods. First of all, the
moth
Use synonyms
 is heated in boiling water to produce a 300-900m
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
the
cotton
Use synonyms
 is unwinded and twisted before it goes to the colouring step.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the dyed
cotton
Use synonyms
 is weaved to become a
silk
Use synonyms
 material.
Submitted by gabrichristie on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words silk, moth, days, cotton with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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