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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of women working in 6 countries in 1960, 1970 and 1980. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on th e main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph shows the percentage of women working in 6 countries in 1960, 1970 and 1980. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on th e main features and make comparisons where relevant
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Information concerning female working rates in six particular countries for the period of two centuries from 1960 to 1980 is given in the bar chart. The information can be divided into two groups, increasing and decreasing trends. It is immediately apparent that the
overall
Linking Words
 figures increased over the period in most countries with the exception of the USSR.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there were five countries
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
 a growth in
women
Use synonyms
 workers. By far the highest rates of female employees in the final year was Sweden, with the figure increasing from above 50% to 70% between 1960 and 1980 respectively. The most noticeable growth was in the
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 employment ratios in Canada. Despite
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canadian
Replace the word
Canada
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 having the lowest figure in 1960,
this
Linking Words
 almost 20%
increasing
Change the form of the verb
increase
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 over the given timeline from just over 30% to above 50% in 1980. Not only were the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
employing
Wrong verb form
employed
show examples
 in the final year in Canada more
over
Change preposition
than
show examples
 50%, but Australia and the UK
also
Linking Words
 showed the same rates. Even though those began as just 40% and 50%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the female occupational
rate
Use synonyms
 in the USA had the smallest change, even
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 its peak at almost 50% in 1970 but generally fluctuated around 40%. In marked contrast, The USSR was the only
exceptional
Replace the word
exception
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 to
this
Linking Words
 upward
tend
Correct your spelling
trend
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.
Although
Linking Words
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 employment stood
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 highest
rate
Use synonyms
 by far
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
over 70% at the beginning of the period, the figures depicted a gradual fall to around 65% in the final year.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • decade
  • increase/decrease
  • compare/contrast
  • significant
  • socio-economic factors
  • progressive
  • minimal changes
  • hypothesize
  • global developments
  • regional developments
  • influence
  • trend analysis
  • workforce participation
  • historical context
  • labor market
  • gender gap
  • employment policies
  • cultural norms
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