IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates how many males and females
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
studied full-time and part-time
education
 in the following years: 1970 to 1971, 1980 to 1981 and 1990 to 1991.
It is clear that
 in all three time ,periods more people of both sexes were involved in part-time
education
 than full-time.
Overall
 the
number
 of men in full-time
education
 rose from approximately 100
thousand
 to 200
thousand
,
whereas
 the
number
 of men in part-time
education
 was lower in the early nineties than twenty years earlier. As far as women are concerned, the numbers increased in both sectors of
education
. The
number
 of part-time female students increased dramatically from 700
thousand
 to 1.2 million in the twenty-year period. The amount of women in full-time
education
 went up more gradually from 100
thousand
 in 1971 to just over 200
thousand
 in 1991.
This
 was similar to the increase for full-time male students.
To sum up
, the
number
 of women in both sectors increased significantly
while
 it seems that the rate of men entering part-time
education
 decreased a little and
was fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, number, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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