IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#line #percentage #people #age #groups #rate #factors #terms #importance #home #information #features #comparisons
The line graph above depicts the important things when
people
 want to buy their house by different groups of age. The figures are given in per cent (%), the factors are
such
 as school, crime rate, etc. In Brief, all of the age group concerns
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate the most
while
 schools
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
when
Correct pronoun usage
it when
show examples
 the
people
 are older.
It is clear that
 the largest concern factor of everyone is
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate when they want to own a home which was above 75% in all age groups, meanwhile shopping facilities, parks, and public transport are the things
people
 were
more
Correct quantifier usage
most
show examples
 concerned
when
Change preposition
about when
show examples
 they got older which the numbers from nearly 12 in 25 to 34
years
 old to around 25 in 55 to 64
years
 old.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
shools
Correct your spelling
schools
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 that
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 when the citizens were older over the period which
approximately
Add a missing verb
was approximately
show examples
 from 50 in 25 to 34
years
 old to around 25 in 55 to 64
years
 old. All in all, the government should facilitate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security the most if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 want
people
 to buy a home.
Submitted by ChampJT on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: