Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern world,
kids
spend all their time
in
Change preposition
on
screens
watching or playing games
. Their
are people who believe that screen Replace the word
There
time
are
bad for Change the verb form
is
children
especially when it comes to mental health. In my point of view, I totally agree with this
statement. I believe that extensive usage of screens
can cause weight gain, depression and anxiety.
Firstly
, kids
spend their time
in education and leisure using screens
like Television, tablet
, and Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
laptop
, which causes less movement and weight gain. In Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
old
generation Fix the agreement mistake
the older
children
were more active they carry
heavy bags for school, Wrong verb form
carried
play
Wrong verb form
played
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
walk
, Wrong verb form
walked
run
and Wrong verb form
ran
jump
. The moment Wrong verb form
jumped
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
created
Add a missing verb
are created
kids
loss
their interest Replace the word
lose
to be
active like before. Change preposition
in being
For instance
, my sister she were
healthy and fit before the Change the verb form
was
time
that she get
addicted to Wrong verb form
got
screens
. Suddenly, she got her first Ipad
and Correct your spelling
iPad
literally
she Add a comma
,literally
use
it 24 Wrong verb form
used
hour
for her studies and Change to a plural noun
hours
games
. However
, she gained 10 kgs in just few
months which made her health and level of fitness Change the article
a few
disaster
right now.
Correct article usage
a disaster
Finally
, insane numbers of depress
Wrong verb form
depressed
children
those days because of playing video games
online. Anonymous people can be very danger
for Replace the word
dangerous
children
like talking with them in
bad things that make them feel Change preposition
about
depress
. Change the form of the verb
depressed
For instance
, my cousin was only 9 years old he was addicted to Xbox games
. One day he chat
with Wrong verb form
chatted
random
guy about what he Add an article
a random
love
to do. Wrong verb form
loved
This
guy was bullying my cousin with bad words and emojies
. From that moment my cousin Correct your spelling
emojis
become
Wrong verb form
became
depress
and unwanted.
Change the verb form
depressed
To conclude
, I totally agree that spending a lot of time
watching TV or playing games
can ruin our kids
future and mental health.Change noun form
kid's
kids'
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task achievement
Ensure a clear and strong thesis statement is included in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more cohesive and organized structure.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving your sentence structures and grammar.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite