Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health

In the modern world,

kids

spend all their

time

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show examples

screens

watching or playing

games

Their

Replace the word

There

show examples

are people who believe that screen

time

are

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show examples

bad for

children

especially when it comes to mental health. In my point of view, I totally agree with

this

statement. I believe that extensive usage of

screens

can cause weight gain, depression and anxiety.

Firstly

kids

spend their

time

in education and leisure using

screens

like Television,

tablet

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tablets

show examples

, and

laptop

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laptops

show examples

, which causes less movement and weight gain. In

old

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the older

show examples

generation

children

were more active they

carry

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carried

show examples

heavy bags for school,

play

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played

show examples

outdoor

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outdoors

show examples

walk

Wrong verb form

walked

show examples

run

Wrong verb form

ran

show examples

and

jump

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jumped

show examples

. The moment

tablet

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tablets

show examples

created

Add a missing verb

are created

show examples

kids

loss

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lose

show examples

their interest

to be

Change preposition

in being

show examples

active like before.

For instance

, my sister she

were

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was

show examples

healthy and fit before the

time

that she

get

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got

show examples

addicted to

screens

. Suddenly, she got her first

Ipad

Correct your spelling

iPad

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and

literally

Add a comma

,literally

show examples

she

use

Wrong verb form

used

show examples

it 24

hour

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hours

show examples

for her studies and

games

However

, she gained 10 kgs in just

few

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a few

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months which made her health and level of fitness

disaster

Correct article usage

a disaster

show examples

right now.

Finally

, insane numbers of

depress

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depressed

show examples

children

those days because of playing video

games

online. Anonymous people can be very

danger

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dangerous

show examples

for

children

like talking with them

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about

show examples

bad things that make them feel

depress

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depressed

show examples

For instance

, my cousin was only 9 years old he was addicted to Xbox

games

. One day he

chat

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chatted

show examples

with

random

Add an article

a random

show examples

guy about what he

love

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loved

show examples

to do.

This

guy was bullying my cousin with bad words and

emojies

Correct your spelling

emojis

. From that moment my cousin

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

depress

Change the verb form

depressed

show examples

and unwanted.

To conclude

, I totally agree that spending a lot of

time

watching TV or playing

games

can ruin our

kids

Change noun form

kid's

kids'

show examples

future and mental health.

Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on Mon Oct 02 2023

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task achievement

Ensure a clear and strong thesis statement is included in the introduction.

task achievement

Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Develop a more cohesive and organized structure.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Work on improving your sentence structures and grammar.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
exposure to violence
addiction
reduced physical activity
hand-eye coordination
strategic thinking
multitasking skills
moderation
parental guidance
balanced approach
screen time
social interaction
sense of community
social skills
social isolation
alternative activities
outdoor activities
family interaction
mental health issues
educational programs
problem-solving games

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Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that government should spend money on the search for life on other planets, while others believe that is a waste of public money because there are still many problems on earth

It is better if an extended family for example uncle aunt grandparents are involved in a child upbringing than just parent alone. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Write about the following topic: Some people think that we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom. Others believe that online learning is more effective. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.