Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health

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In the modern world,

kids

Use synonyms

spend all their

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

screens

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watching or playing

games

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Their

Replace the word

There

show examples

are people who believe that screen

time

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are

Change the verb form

show examples

bad for

children

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especially when it comes to mental health. In my point of view, I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

statement. I believe that extensive usage of

screens

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can cause weight gain, depression and anxiety.

Firstly

Linking Words

kids

Use synonyms

spend their

time

Use synonyms

in education and leisure using

screens

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like Television,

tablet

Fix the agreement mistake

tablets

show examples

, and

laptop

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laptops

show examples

, which causes less movement and weight gain. In

old

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the older

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generation

children

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were more active they

carry

Wrong verb form

carried

show examples

heavy bags for school,

play

Wrong verb form

played

show examples

outdoor

Replace the word

outdoors

show examples

walk

Wrong verb form

walked

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run

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ran

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and

jump

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jumped

show examples

. The moment

tablet

Fix the agreement mistake

tablets

show examples

created

Add a missing verb

are created

show examples

kids

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loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

their interest

to be

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in being

show examples

active like before.

For instance

Linking Words

, my sister she

were

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was

show examples

healthy and fit before the

time

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that she

get

Wrong verb form

got

show examples

addicted to

screens

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. Suddenly, she got her first

Ipad

Correct your spelling

iPad

show examples

and

literally

Add a comma

,literally

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she

use

Wrong verb form

used

show examples

it 24

hour

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hours

show examples

for her studies and

games

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However

Linking Words

, she gained 10 kgs in just

few

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a few

show examples

months which made her health and level of fitness

disaster

Correct article usage

a disaster

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right now.

Finally

Linking Words

, insane numbers of

depress

Wrong verb form

depressed

show examples

children

Use synonyms

those days because of playing video

games

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online. Anonymous people can be very

danger

Replace the word

dangerous

show examples

for

children

Use synonyms

like talking with them

Change preposition

about

show examples

bad things that make them feel

depress

Change the form of the verb

depressed

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, my cousin was only 9 years old he was addicted to Xbox

games

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. One day he

chat

Wrong verb form

chatted

show examples

with

random

Add an article

a random

show examples

guy about what he

love

Wrong verb form

loved

show examples

to do.

This

Linking Words

guy was bullying my cousin with bad words and

emojies

Correct your spelling

emojis

. From that moment my cousin

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

depress

Change the verb form

depressed

show examples

and unwanted.

To conclude

Linking Words

, I totally agree that spending a lot of

time

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watching TV or playing

games

Use synonyms

can ruin our

Use synonyms

kids

Change noun form

kid's

kids'

show examples

future and mental health.

Submitted by mneeraaljalahma on Mon Oct 02 2023

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task achievement

Ensure a clear and strong thesis statement is included in the introduction.

task achievement

Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Develop a more cohesive and organized structure.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range accuracy

Work on improving your sentence structures and grammar.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
exposure to violence
addiction
reduced physical activity
hand-eye coordination
strategic thinking
multitasking skills
moderation
parental guidance
balanced approach
screen time
social interaction
sense of community
social skills
social isolation
alternative activities
outdoor activities
family interaction
mental health issues
educational programs
problem-solving games

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Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some university student live at home with their family members during their studies, while in some nations student prefer to attend classes at another cities. those the advantage outweigh it disadvantage

In many countries nowadays, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the housework tasks equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the art and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?