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Band 6.5

Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?

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Some
companies
 give additional incentives to their
employees
 when they make a contribution to the
company
. It is claimed that it has encouragement for some
employees
.
On the other hand
, it may have a negative effect on others.
This
 essay completely disagrees with
this
 kind of incentive as it discourages some
employees
, and I consider a rewarding
strategy
 which is based on task completion
is
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 the best. Choosing an individual employee with an exceptional contribution to the
company
 triggers negative competition among workers. Many
employees
 cannot do exceptional things but they
work
 in an effective way. If it is considered that most of the
employees
 have
such
 an approach to their
work
, negative competition might result in devastation for the
company
.
For example
, the same
strategy
 in SOCAR, the biggest
company
 in Azerbaijan, resulted in 50 % of
employees
 leaving their jobs and the
company
 could not protect its market value
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
.
Thus
,
this
strategy
 is very risky and should be avoided.
On the other hand
,
companies
 may reward all of the
employees
 based on task completion which is a better
strategy
.
Firstly
, all of the workers understand that they need to
work
 hard and contribute to the
company
 if they want to be rewarded.
This
 may be a serious motivation for all of the
employees
.
Also
, as all members of the team
work
 eagerly, they do tasks on time and the
company
 itself may increase its revenues.
This
strategy
 was applied by the CEOs of APPLE
company
, and the annual revenues of the
company
 increased sharply in a year. Because of
this
, I believe that
companies
 should adopt a
strategy
 to reward all
employees
 to earn more and avoid any negative consequences. In conclusion, I totally disagree that the extraordinary contribution of individual
employees
 should be rewarded;
companies
 may choose a reward system based on task completion to have a better outcome.
Submitted by huseynzadasettar on

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task response
Ensure to fully address all aspects of the topic question, specifically discussing the effectiveness of the incentive and exploring alternative ways of encouraging employees to work hard.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, ensuring each paragraph is linked to the previous one and supports the main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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