IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
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As we see in the bar chart, we have three types of People Who ate fruits and vegetables in the Past
Years
Use synonyms
.  In 2001, they started at a low level, and as the
years
Use synonyms
  passed, it increased.  As for men, in the first three
years
Use synonyms
 their eating average is almost level out, and in the following
years
Use synonyms
, it gradually climbs except for the
last
Linking Words
 year it
drop
Correct subject-verb agreement
drops
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.  With regard to women, it
going
Wrong verb form
went
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 up in the first six
years
Use synonyms
, and in the
last
Linking Words
 two
years
Use synonyms
, it
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, children began their early
years
Use synonyms
 at a steady Yate and it increased from 2004 to 2007 but in the
last
Linking Words
 Your it decreased Slightly.  In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 we conclude that women at the most
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eat all
years
Use synonyms
, followed
men
Change preposition
by men
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 children, women are
also
Linking Words
 more careful than men and children in eating fruits and vegetables, as well the rate Soat for everyone in all
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend analysis
  • Significant fluctuation
  • Dietary habits
  • Public health campaign
  • Demographic breakdown
  • Socio-economic status
  • Predictive suggestions
  • Consumption rates
  • Dietary guidelines
  • Technological advancements
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