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Band 4.5

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages businesses to move to the rural. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#traffic #cities #government #businesses #move
The rising traffic and housing issues in big
cities
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 the government to encourage private institutions to move to the rural areas.
This
 is a good way to tackle these issues, where less crowded
cities
 may improve the residents’ well-being.
Nonetheless
, many adversities will occur if
this
 solution is used, which can ultimately contribute to the country’s decreasing welfare in the future. There are a few advantages if the businesses shift to the countryside, leaving the
cities
 only for citizens to live
.
Change preposition
in.
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Firstly
, traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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 will be more manageable
due to
 the disappearance of commuting activities that are contributed by private institutions.
Furthermore
, more space will be provided for the residency area, so the
cities
 will be less packed. Ultimately, urban
cities
 will turn into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfortable
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, which may likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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affect the citizens’ happiness.
However
, many disadvantages will impact the country’s welfare if the businesses are relocated to the rural. Relocation is a costly activity, especially for big companies who already have existed
since
Change preposition
for
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 a long time
ago
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, there will be an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 distance and commuting time for people who are employed by these companies and must work in the offices. In the long term, the commerce activities may likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
slow. Eventually,
this
 will affect the
overall
 economy of those countries. Public officials are recommending private companies to move to the countryside
due to
 the traffic and housing problems. Despite
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 advantages, many negative effects will outweigh these positive effects if countries implement
this
 solution.
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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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