Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages businesses to move to the rural. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#traffic #cities #government #businesses #move

The rising traffic and housing issues in big

cities

leads

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

the government to encourage private institutions to move to the rural areas.

This

is a good way to tackle these issues, where less crowded

cities

may improve the residents’ well-being.

Nonetheless

, many adversities will occur if

this

solution is used, which can ultimately contribute to the country’s decreasing welfare in the future. There are a few advantages if the businesses shift to the countryside, leaving the

cities

only for citizens to live

Change preposition

in.

show examples

Firstly

, traffic

jam

Fix the agreement mistake

jams

show examples

will be more manageable

due to

the disappearance of commuting activities that are contributed by private institutions.

Furthermore

, more space will be provided for the residency area, so the

cities

will be less packed. Ultimately, urban

cities

will turn into

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

comfortable

place

Fix the agreement mistake

places

show examples

, which may likely

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

affect the citizens’ happiness.

However

, many disadvantages will impact the country’s welfare if the businesses are relocated to the rural. Relocation is a costly activity, especially for big companies who already have existed

since

Change preposition

for

show examples

a long time

ago

Rephrase

apply

show examples

Moreover

, there will be an increase

Change preposition

show examples

distance and commuting time for people who are employed by these companies and must work in the offices. In the long term, the commerce activities may likely

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

slow. Eventually,

this

will affect the

overall

economy of those countries. Public officials are recommending private companies to move to the countryside

due to

the traffic and housing problems. Despite

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

advantages, many negative effects will outweigh these positive effects if countries implement

this

solution.

Submitted by shanniania on Thu Oct 12 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages businesses to move to the rural. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this?How can people research this?

Some people think that wearing uniforms fosters solidarity between staff and makes them feel part of a team. Others claim that it is better to have a dress code than a uniform. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programmes (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that individuals do no protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment.Discuss both views and give your opinion.