Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other emplovers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
Exercise
show examples
are known to form an essential aspect of our lives. People enrol at gyms to partake in professional training.
This
subject is a bone of contention, some
employers
say supplementing the fees required for
employees
to join
fitness
institutions will lead to healthy
workers
,
while
other business leaders opine there are no gains in paying some amount to make their
employees
exercise.
This
essay seeks to look at both views. My opinion will be given in the course of the essay.
To begin
with, health is a very core aspect of our lives. There have been several reports on the link between being
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
and
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. Fats and oils are products of food that can lead to negative health implications
such
as stroke and heart attack. Meanwhile, joining
fitness
club activities burns calories from the body to prevent the destructive effects of fats and oils on the organs of our bodies.
In addition
, engaging in gym exercises is known to promote a
well functioning
Add a hyphen
well-functioning
show examples
heart as blood is said to flow through our bodies freely. It is only logical that
employers
will promote activities that will make their
employees
stay fit.
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
healthy
employees
are most likely to carry out their responsibilities to the maximum of their abilities.
This
in turn will promote the success of every business.
On the other hand
,
time
is an essential commodity. The more
time
a person spends working, the higher the income generated by institutions. I can understand why some
employers
opine that
employees
gyming is of no benefit to their jobs. It's because they would prefer their
workers
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
their exercising
time
doing more work for the gain of the company.
This
only has
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
benefits as the sedentary life will eventually have a toll on the lives of experienced
workers
who will end up spending more
time
off work.
Such
effects will negatively affect the company as the quality output will diminish or be lost.
Hence
,
it is clear that
,
workers
who only work and don't exercise
poise
Correct your spelling
pose
show examples
a risk to their jobs.
To conclude
, keeping fit is widely known to have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact on the human body. I believe
employers
should be encouraged to promote the
fitness
of their
employees
by subsidising the fees spent at
fitness
centres.
This
will in the long run maximise the income generated by
such
companies which are concerned with brooding healthy staff.
Submitted by nmaureen03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the question prompt and includes a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the coherence and structure of your essay to ensure the flow of ideas is clear and logical.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving the accuracy of your grammar, paying attention to sentence structure and tense usage.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • subsidised
  • membership
  • gyms
  • sports clubs
  • effective
  • engaging in
  • physical activity
  • improve
  • overall health
  • well-being
  • sick leave
  • productive
  • employee benefit
  • attract
  • retain
  • top talent
  • company culture
  • prioritize
  • expense
  • investment
  • workforce
  • left out
  • resentful
What to do next:
Look at other essays: