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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The three pie charts show the production, consumption of coffee and where the profit goes around the world.

The three pie charts show the production, consumption of coffee and where the profit goes around the world.
#three #show #production #consumption #coffee #profit #world
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The charts depict the production country, consumption and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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profit usage of
coffee
 around the world.
overall
, it shows that European countries consume the most
coffee
 compared
the
Change preposition
to the
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 others and most of the
beans
, 44% of them, are produced in South Africa.
Additionally
, more than half of
coffee
 business profits go to delivery from its resources
to
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all over the world.
Furthermore
, America
also
 loves
coffee
, proven by 37% consumption of
beans
 worldwide.
While
 Japanese people
also
drinks
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drink
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coffee
, the country actually produces 18% of
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
coffee
. Meanwhile, Indonesia contributes
on
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apply
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27% of producing
coffee
beans
 and Vietnam with their 16% share.
On the other hand
, most profits from
coffee
Correct article usage
the coffee
show examples
 business actually
goes
Change the verb form
go
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 to delivery which is a whopping 51% of them. Almost a quarter of them
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
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 to retailers and 10% of them go the the exporter.
Finally
, the producers of
coffee
beans
 only receive 15 of the business profit.
Submitted by hanna.rahmawati93 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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