Few people think that it is important for collecting personal information such interest, hobbies and material status. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #information #interest #hobbies #status

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Nowadays, people record their own information including daily lifestyle,

favorite

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favourite

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activities, personal status,

feeling

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feelings

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, and many more through social media. Some individuals believe that it is essential to do,

whereas

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others think it

useless

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is useless

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. In

this

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essay, both

statement

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statements

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will be discussed before my perspective is reached. Accumulating personal data can provide numerous benefits to doers. First of all, it plays a key role in a reminder, which

record

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records

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your

favorite

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favourite

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hobbies, interest, and emotion in

the

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particular period.

Therefore

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, we can learn to be

better

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a better

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person from it.

For example

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, I always take

pictures

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of myself and weigh my body once a month to see how my body

transform

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transforms

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. Over the period of 8 years, I can realize the change

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my body and which part of muscle I should develop more.

Moreover

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, daily

note

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notes

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and

pictures

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can remind you

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of a

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happy time

led

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leading

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to positive energy for living. To illustrate, I

oftenly

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often

see my picture traveling

aboard

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abroad

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with my family and friends to charge a battery for myself.

However

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, some people think that there

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are

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some drawbacks

for

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show examples

keeping

everythings

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everything

Although

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pictures

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and

note

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notes

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can remind you

good

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of good

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memories,

Correct pronoun usage

they

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can

also

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remind you

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unpleasant memories

too

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apply

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such

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as the

pictures

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of pass away person, or the gifts of ex-girlfriends.

In addition

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, it takes time and space to keep all of

Add an article

the informations

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informations

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information

pieces of information

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. To keep a thousand

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apply

show examples

images, you need to buy 1 TB

harddisk

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hard disk

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which is worth more than 2000 Baht.

Hence

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, it is better to collect only necessary things

not

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, not

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everythings

Correct your spelling

everything

. In conclusion, there are

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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enormous advantages of collecting personal data consisting of being a reminder of the time, and

able

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being able

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to bring back good memories

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apply

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despite of few drawbacks. In my opinion, it is better to collect and record our information as its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Submitted by pantamitsaekong on Mon Oct 16 2023

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Personalization
Tailoring
Preferences
Targeted marketing
Efficiency
Insights
Strategies
Fraud prevention
Privacy invasion
Data security risks
Manipulation
Exploitation
Discrimination
Consent
Sensitive information
Unauthorized access
Data breaches
Third parties
Discriminatory practices
Fairly

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Few people think that it is important for collecting personal information such interest, hobbies and material status. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some people think although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe that only talented children can become successful musicians or athletes. However, others believe that children can be taught to succeed in music or sports. Discuss both views.