IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given bar chart depicts the proportion of foreign students among Canadian universities graduates.

The given bar chart depicts the proportion of foreign students among Canadian universities graduates.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar chart depicts the proportion of foreign
students
Use synonyms
 among Canadian
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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 graduates. All universities experienced
increase
Add an article
an increase
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 significant growth was recorded in British Columbia. In 2006 the number of
students
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
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 considerably high in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia.
Linking Words
While in
Correct word choice
In
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 Ontario the percentage change of international
students
Use synonyms
 was far
fewer
Correct word choice
lower
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 than
other
Change preposition
in other
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iniversities
Correct your spelling
universities
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 and slightly more rise in the period of 2001 and 2006 were in Newfoundland and Labrador and Manitoba,
by
Linking Words
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
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 the proportion is substantially lower than
New
Change preposition
in New
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 Brunswick.
According to
Linking Words
 the
chart
Add a comma
chart,
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 the approximate number of
students
Use synonyms
 in Quebec
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 as many as in Alberta, but there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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noticeablygo
Correct your spelling
noticeably
noticeably go
 up now in the percentage than in the past.
However
Linking Words
, the highest and double jump in the 5 years was in British Columbia.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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