IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The
piechart
Correct your spelling
pie chart
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 represents the average
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of an employee's
time
Use synonyms
spwnt
Correct your spelling
spent
 on different activities from 1958 to 2008, in a particular country.
Overall
Linking Words
, during the
time
Use synonyms
 period of 1958 to 2008, most of the people spent their
time
Use synonyms
 in day at work. The least
time
Use synonyms
 spent during 1958 is
time
Use synonyms
 to travel. In 2008, the less
time
Use synonyms
 spent
is for
Verb problem
apply
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going out ( with friends/family) by 6%. In 1958, sleeping was high by 32% compared to the
piechart
Correct your spelling
pie chart
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 of the year 2008 by 25%. By comparing
from
Change preposition
apply
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this
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sleep
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased over the period of
time
Use synonyms
 which is unhealthy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other interests or playing sports was the second least by comparing both the year. Fifty years later, the number of working hours spent by
an
Change the article
a
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 working employee is increased to 42%. And the activity of relaxing at home was
also
Linking Words
 above the percentage level in 1958.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the people spent their day
on
Change preposition
apply
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working when comparing both the pie
diagram
Fix the agreement mistake
diagrams
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.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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