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Band 7

The chart below shows the percentages of males and females with higher qualifications in five countries in 2001

The chart below shows the percentages of males and females with higher qualifications in five countries in 2001
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The bar chart compares the shares of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who had university degrees in 2001 across 5 countries. (U.S., Japan,
Switzerland
Use synonyms
,
Britain
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
)
Overall
Linking Words
, in
Switzerland
Use synonyms
,
Britain
Use synonyms
, and Japan more
males
Use synonyms
 graduated from higher education schools than
females
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 in the other 2 countries (
Germany
Use synonyms
, and the U.S.) the percentage of
females
Use synonyms
 outnumbered that of
males
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 similarities can be seen in
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
, with both of them having the largest percentage of qualified
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 respectively. The share of
men
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 who had higher education qualifications was the highest in
Switzerland
Use synonyms
 at 45,
while
Linking Words
 that of
women
Use synonyms
 in the same country was slightly less at 35. The difference between the percentages of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 was 5 in both
Britain
Use synonyms
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japan, with the latter being 5% less. 35% of the
males
Use synonyms
 graduated from universities in
Britain
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of Japanese
men
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 was 30%
while
Linking Words
 only a quarter of
females
Use synonyms
 which is the lowest figure in the graph went to universities. In
Germany
Use synonyms
 and in the United States,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, more
women
Use synonyms
 had higher education degrees than
men
Use synonyms
. 45% of
females
Use synonyms
 who completed the survey in
Germany
Use synonyms
 said that they had the qualification, which was the highest share for
women
Use synonyms
 among all other countries,
while
Linking Words
 10%
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 reported so in the same country. The disparity between
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 was only slight at 40 and 35 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, switzerland, britain, germany, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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