IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the age profile of tourists on backpacking holidays and guided tours in New Zealand in 2005, and standing next to a pie chart gives the satisfaction rating of their stay.

#age #profile #tourists #holidays #tours #zealand #satisfaction
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The table below shows the
age
Use synonyms
 profile of tourists on backpacking holidays and guided
tours
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand in 2005, and standing next to a pie chart gives the satisfaction rating of their stay. As is presented in the table, the
age
Use synonyms
 profile of people, backpacking, and guided
tours
Use synonyms
 percentages
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
on the different types of holiday
varies
Correct subject-verb agreement
vary
show examples
 considerably. The vast majority (62%) of people from 18-30 mostly prefer backpacking. Apart
just
Change preposition
from just
show examples
 over an insignificant minority (7%) choose guided
tours
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the number of people
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
, when the
age
Use synonyms
 profile
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 up
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 41-50, too. It is clear from that, proportion
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 up 57% of those who
on
Add a missing verb
are on
show examples
 guided
tours
Use synonyms
, withal, backpacking plunge to exactly a half. The 31-40
age
Use synonyms
 group is almost the same (23% and 22%)
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both types.
Overall
Linking Words
, a large proportion (83%) was satisfied, 10% not
enjoyed
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 their holiday,
7
Correct word choice
and 7
show examples
%
not
Add a missing verb
were not
show examples
 sure about
this
Linking Words
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, tours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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