Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary

many people hold, give you that their salary is extremely important
while
choosing a career,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
opine that loving
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a job is what matters. Personally, I think that it is better to pursue a desirable occupation. Considering that doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
desirable work is the key to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
realization, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion
makes
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
success requires
passion
. As long as one
effectuate
Correct subject-verb agreement
effectuates
show examples
a desirable profession he will be unlike succeeding in it.
Nevertheless
, zeal
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
at the beginning, it is
finally
worthwhile. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
enthusiasm fuels the desire
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
progress, and expires T a personal development, which leads to a
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
outcome.
For example
, I remember when I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
turned my talent
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
again pain and opened
four seasons
Correct your spelling
Four Seasons
show examples
restaurant are used to start work very late and slept only 2 hours per day. In spite of the fact that it was a very tiring job, I knew really enjoyed it and now my restaurant is one of the most famous
restaurant
Change to a plural noun
restaurants
show examples
in the city. To put
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
another way
passion
is pivotal to progress.
Secondly
, the past to zeal makes happy. Indeed,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only plugs into
dependable
Add an article
a dependable
show examples
source of rhapsodic in professional life, but
it’s
Change the verb form
it also provides
show examples
also
provides happiness in personal life. When it comes to
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
, they
underling
Correct your spelling
underlying
show examples
stronger relationship between
works
Change the noun form
work
show examples
satisfaction and marriage
last
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
more than 73% of workers who are satisfied at the office are more likely
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
a successful marriage. So those to say that personal affair. To summarize heart in any job, enhances a chance to excel in it, and tries to give the best version of
our
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
self
consequently
accomplishes
Wrong verb form
accomplishing
show examples
welfare
Submitted by tyulyubayeva.ayaulym on

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task response
Try to develop a clearer argument throughout your essay, ensuring each paragraph contributes to your overall point of view. Some paragraphs contain sentences that are not very clear or directly relevant to the main idea. Also, ensure that all phrases make complete sense.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks clear transitions between ideas and the overall flow is somewhat disjointed. Aim to connect not only your thoughts within a paragraph but also between paragraphs to improve the overall flow and readability of your essay. Using conjunctive adverbs and other transitional phrases can help achieve this.
lexical resource
You should aim to utilize a broader range of vocabulary and avoid excessively repetitive words or phrases to exhibit your language proficiency. Additionally, make sure the words you're using are appropriately fitting the context. Use of synonyms and different language structures can aid in this.
grammatical range and accuracy
Whilst your grammatical range is somewhat apparent, there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrases throughout your essay that make it hard to understand. Aim to revise your grammar and pay attention to sentence structure and word usage. Remember, accurate use of grammar is key to clearly communicating your ideas and achieving a high IELTS score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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