Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary
many people hold, give you that their salary is extremely important
while
choosing a career, others
opine that loving Correct word choice
while others
them
a job is what matters. Personally, I think that it is better to pursue a desirable occupation. Considering that doing Correct pronoun usage
apply
a
desirable work is the key to Correct article usage
apply
the
realization, and Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
passion
makes fulfillment
.
First of Change the spelling
fulfilment
all
success requires Add a comma
all,
passion
. As long as one effectuate
a desirable profession he will be unlike succeeding in it. Correct subject-verb agreement
effectuates
Nevertheless
, zeal does
not Verb problem
is
be
at the beginning, it is Verb problem
apply
finally
worthwhile. Since,
enthusiasm fuels the desire Remove the comma
apply
of
progress, and expires T a personal development, which leads to a Change preposition
for
favorable
outcome. Change the spelling
favourable
For example
, I remember when I have
turned my talent Unnecessary verb
apply
you
again pain and opened Correct pronoun usage
apply
four seasons
restaurant are used to start work very late and slept only 2 hours per day. In spite of the fact that it was a very tiring job, I knew really enjoyed it and now my restaurant is one of the most famous Correct your spelling
Four Seasons
restaurant
in the city. To put Change to a plural noun
restaurants
in
another way
Correct your spelling
it
passion
is pivotal to progress.
Secondly
, the past to zeal makes happy. Indeed, the
Correct article usage
apply
passion
does
not only plugs into Unnecessary verb
apply
dependable
source of rhapsodic in professional life, but Add an article
a dependable
it’s
Change the verb form
it also provides
also
provides happiness in personal life. When it comes to researching
, they Replace the word
research
underling
stronger relationship between Correct your spelling
underlying
works
satisfaction and marriage Change the noun form
work
last
more than 73% of workers who are satisfied at the office are more likely Correct word choice
apply
have
a successful marriage. So those to say that personal affair.
To summarize heart in any job, enhances a chance to excel in it, and tries to give the best version of Fix the infinitive
to have
our
self Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
consequently
accomplishes
welfareWrong verb form
accomplishing
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task response
Try to develop a clearer argument throughout your essay, ensuring each paragraph contributes to your overall point of view. Some paragraphs contain sentences that are not very clear or directly relevant to the main idea. Also, ensure that all phrases make complete sense.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks clear transitions between ideas and the overall flow is somewhat disjointed. Aim to connect not only your thoughts within a paragraph but also between paragraphs to improve the overall flow and readability of your essay. Using conjunctive adverbs and other transitional phrases can help achieve this.
lexical resource
You should aim to utilize a broader range of vocabulary and avoid excessively repetitive words or phrases to exhibit your language proficiency. Additionally, make sure the words you're using are appropriately fitting the context. Use of synonyms and different language structures can aid in this.
grammatical range and accuracy
Whilst your grammatical range is somewhat apparent, there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrases throughout your essay that make it hard to understand. Aim to revise your grammar and pay attention to sentence structure and word usage. Remember, accurate use of grammar is key to clearly communicating your ideas and achieving a high IELTS score.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example