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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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There was
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 period and
then
Linking Words
 showed
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
show examples
 in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of spreads
such
Linking Words
 as margarine and
butter
Use synonyms
 from 1981 to 2007. Starting 1981 to 1986 consumption of
butter
Use synonyms
 rose steadily to 58
grams
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 there was a gradual fall for margarine.
Then
Linking Words
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 5
years
Use synonyms
 the number of
grams
Use synonyms
 demonstrated differently. Indeed, Margarine had a slight rise
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of
grams
Use synonyms
 of
butter
Use synonyms
 dropped wildly by 58
grams
Use synonyms
. And
then
Linking Words
 for the rest
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the consumption of
butter
Use synonyms
 did not
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 and decreased little by little beginning 1991 to 1996 by 30
grams
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 ended up with 50
grams
Use synonyms
 between 1996 and 2007. But the consumption of
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 spread remained stable from 1991 to 1996 and after like
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 item did not gauge for 11
years
Use synonyms
. Actually, there was a gradual fall to 85
grams
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 sank wildly from 85 to 40
grams
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was started to use “Low fat & reduced spreads” in 1996 and for 5
years
Use synonyms
 the number of
this
Linking Words
 spread escalated sharply from
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 10 to 85
grams
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
a
Add a missing verb
was a
show examples
steady sink starting 2001 to 2007.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words butter, grams, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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