The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The diagram demonstrates the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
of both male and female Australian citizens, who exercised regularly in 2010. From an
overall
perspective, young
men
(between 15 and 24 years old) are the most
age
group to exercise among all males.
On the other hand
,
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
women (
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
of 50 years) play sports more consistently than younger ones. Observing the details, the
percentage
of males keeps fluctuating all over the
age
groups. In fact,
men
start exercising regularly at a young
age
, but
then
in older
age
groups,
this
percentage
decreases till it reaches 45.1% after it was 52.8% in the beginning. Surprisingly, when
men
become
Verb problem
are
show examples
65 and over, they do sports more often.
That is
why we can see that the number starts to rise
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
again to 46.7%. Women are completely the opposite;
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
of those who exercise is the smallest for both these
age
groups: (15 to 24) and (65 and over).
In other words
, females start with a low
percentage
- 47.7%.
Then
,
this
number keeps climbing steadily until it reaches a peak of 53.3%, followed by a mild decline to 47.1%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the final
age
group. In conclusion, the chart stresses
on
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apply
show examples
an important point, which is simply that
men
's behaviour is opposite to that of women.
Submitted by menagouda24 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, age, percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age groups
  • Percentage
  • Gender comparison
  • Leisure time
  • Health awareness
  • Bar chart
  • Work-life balance
  • Life stages
  • Engagement
  • Motivation
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Public health policy
  • Fitness programs
  • Data analysis
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