IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Teenagers nowadays spend too much time on playing video games. Describe the effects on teenagers, families and society. Report the measures to solve the problem.

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, teenagers have spent countless of
time
Use synonyms
 on video games. The effects are horrendous as many families report that their children do not consent to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with
familly
Correct your spelling
family
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss thoroughly
metioned
Correct your spelling
mentioned
 causes and give solutions in order to combat the incident.
To begin
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 with, many families have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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witnessed the changing behaviour of their offspring
due to
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 video games.
This
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 is because of the addiction to games that they undergo at the moment.
Additionally
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, since
teenager
Add an article
the teenager
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 is the
time
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 of the human age where constant entertainment and amusement have to be found every day and gaming is their only answer.
Subsequently
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, many companies see
this
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 as
Correct article usage
an opportunities
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opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
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for
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to capitalize on profits,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 outrageously implement
further
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 addictive content.
For example
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,
Fornite
Correct your spelling
Fortnite
 started as a humble shooting game, but now its content
are
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is
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 said to captivate addiction from those teenagers.
Nevertheless
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, it is not a hopeless situation for those parents though. In fact, with dedication and tough love, victory shall be theirs. Families should limit the
time
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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their children
on
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are on
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 screens, tough punishments should be considered
such
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 as grounding, and taking away their gaming devices,...
Moreover
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, parents should spend more
time
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 with them by going camping, shopping, anything
will
Verb problem
can
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 do. As long as meeting face to face, relationship with gaming will be declined. In conclusion, the ongoing
absent
Replace the word
absence
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 from their family because of gaming is horrifying.
However
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, in order to regain their children's attention, they need to consider strong measures
such
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 as punishments or implementation of
time
Use synonyms
 limits
as well as
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 win their hearts by spending
time
Use synonyms
 with them personally.

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
Use a clear and logical structure in the essay.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used.
grammatical range
Improve the accuracy and variety of grammar structures.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive effects
  • Physical inactivity
  • Video game addiction
  • Social impairment
  • Communication breakdown
  • Financial strain
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Academic performance
  • Cultural norms
  • Parental control
  • Time management
  • Alternative hobbies
  • Support groups
  • Counseling services
  • Balanced lifestyle
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