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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram compares the total
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female workers in various job sectors of the Republic of Freedonia between 1975 and 1995.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Men
Use synonyms
 in all several employments in Freedonia in 1975 was by far the highest .
Additionally
Linking Words
, the quantities of
women
Use synonyms
 experienced
slight
Add an article
a slight
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 change in 1995.
According to
Linking Words
 the graphs , in 1995
men
Use synonyms
 in Freedonia were ahead of
women
Use synonyms
 in all several employment. The
number
Use synonyms
 of employed
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 in the public sector (non-defence) was highest at about 850
while
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women
Use synonyms
 took only 650 . The communications area had almost the same amount of participants, but the finance group had nearly 200
women
Use synonyms
 and over 400
men
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the wholesale and retail trades employ approximately 500
women
Use synonyms
 and 700
men
Use synonyms
. The final group contains 100
women
Use synonyms
 and 200
men
Use synonyms
 from the public sector (defence). In 1995, the female made significant changes in landing jobs across several sectors . Female .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , there were more
women
Use synonyms
 working in the communications sector than
men
Use synonyms
 .
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in the banking industry has increased to about 500.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, statistics on
women
Use synonyms
 in the wholesale and public sectors (defence) have been raised.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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