IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchase by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchase by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the proportion of
canada's
Change the capitalization
Canada's
show examples
 business e-commerce
purchases
Use synonyms
 industry between 2015 and 2019. the businesses are manufacturing, construction, wholesale, retail, and information and communication. The unit of measurement used in the
chart
Use synonyms
 is percentage. The general trends on the
chart
Use synonyms
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 a gradual proportion
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
 for each industry.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, in 2018 shows both the manufacturing and construction industry
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable at 50%. The development slightly went up
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 approximately
above
Change preposition
apply
show examples
53%
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2019.
Differs
Correct pronoun usage
This differs
show examples
 from wholesale and retail, which reached a peak at around 54% and increased steadily until the end of the period,
whereas
Linking Words
 the retail
chart
Use synonyms
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
 stable.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the information and communication sector shows a rather stable growth of e-commerce
purchases
Use synonyms
. Since 2015, the sector has reached up
60
Change preposition
to 60
show examples
% of
purchases
Use synonyms
 with a consecutive stable rise between 2016 and 2017 by 10%.
Finally
Linking Words
, it reached
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 peak in 2018, the highest trend in
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 73%
e-commerce
Change preposition
of e-commerce
show examples
purchases
Use synonyms
.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 period it
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 down back to 70%
Use synonyms
purchases
Change preposition
of purchases
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, purchases with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: