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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction

#salary #job #satisfaction
it is often debated that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary is much more significant than
job
 satisfaction. I totally disagree with
this
 opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and think that
job
 contentedness has more advantages than
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 salary. First of all
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contentment provides a feeling of pleasure and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, which is the most crucial thing in
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of all
people
. Because when
people
satisfied
Add a missing verb
are satisfied
show examples
 with their
job
, they do it without any problem and obviously with pleasure. As we all know doing what you love leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 successful result, based on
this
, if
people
 are delighted with their
job
, they
work
 officially alongside they will not have the feeling of unwellness, and
at the end
 of the
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
 they will achieve high rates of success.
For instance
, the famous blogger, Lisa gave up her career as a doctor to start blogging. Today she has a quite large audience and earns a lot from it, taking into the fact that she is
contended it
Replace the word
content
show examples
 with her
work
.
That is
 why choosing
Job
 satisfaction is more essential rather than money.
Furthermore
,
job
 happiness has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of positive effects, including mental health, motivation, and a desire to
work
. Even though
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 high wage is
also
 vital for a person, it cannot guarantee happiness.
According to
 the research, a large number of
people
work
 with a
job
 imposed on them. And they’re not happy
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
work
. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, they receive a big wage, but working for money is not a superior reason to make a career.
Consequently
, they will end up, leaving their lives doing unwanted
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. So to
leave
Correct your spelling
live
show examples
 a fulfilled life,
work
 satisfaction is strongly needed.
To conclude
, a large wage is
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 way to satisfy all needs,
however
,
job
 happiness is one of the most crucial
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
 to
leave
Correct your spelling
live
show examples
 a healthy life
Submitted by tyulyubayeva.ayaulym on

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Task Response
You need to address the prompt more directly and provide a clear stance on the issue. Make sure to structure your essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is not well-developed. Ensure that your ideas are connected and your arguments follow a clear progression. Additionally, include a stronger introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion.
Lexical Resource
The essay lacks a wide range of vocabulary and there are instances of incorrect word usage. Try to use a more varied and precise vocabulary, and pay attention to word choice and collocations.
Grammatical Range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors including subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and sentence structure. Work on improving your grammatical accuracy to convey your ideas clearly and effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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