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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some employers believe that job applicants' social skills are more important than their academic qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#employers #job #applicants #skills #qualifications
In recent years
the
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a
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 number of employers
emphesise
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emphasise
 more on social skills of job seekers than their
acadamic
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academic
 certificats. I completely agree with them due
the
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to the
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 fact that
achiving
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achieving
 academic goals
it
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apply
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is not a
neccery
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nectary
 ability that can help the company during
the
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apply
show examples
hard situations
in addition
 to someone with great
knowldge
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knowledge
 but with
lack
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a lack
show examples
 of social
abilitys
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ability
 can not act
proparly
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properly
 in a team. First of all, most academic education
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not
realy
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really
 well connected to
industry
Add an article
the industry
an industry
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 which means maybe an
idividual
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individual
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 great
on
Change preposition
at
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 studies but it can not satisfy industrial needs in that case
the
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a
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 great connection with others
beside
Replace the word
besides
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the
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apply
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team work
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teamwork
show examples
 can help them to learn how to apply their
knowldge
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knowledge
 on the
spesific
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specific
 area they need.
In addition
, some
prople
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people
 are
realy
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really
 well known due
their
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to their
show examples
researchs
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research
 and great performance
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 practical areas but the lack of social skills made them
seprated
Correct your spelling
separated
 from groups and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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need a group to run the facility
proparly
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properly
morover
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moreover
 they may make some
argues
Replace the word
arguments
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 with other which will leading to reduce the motivation of other workers. In
conculosion
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conclusion
, I
belive
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believe
show examples
 that the new trend which
end
Verb problem
is
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 to
focous
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focus
 more on social skills than academic qualifications was
awsome
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awesome
show examples
.
However
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academia will give people a great
vraity
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variety
 of
knowldge
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knowledge
 with great depth but it is
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 hard to apply it during
real
Correct article usage
a real
show examples
 job with other co-workers and the most mentionable part of
this
 hardness
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
refers to how to connect with them in
a
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the
show examples
 right way.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents some relevant points, but the arguments lack clarity and are not well-developed. The use of examples is insufficient. The logical structure is poorly connected, making the essay difficult to follow.
task achievement
The essay presents a position, but it lacks clear development and specific examples. The arguments do not fully address the question, and the introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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