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Band 4.5

proportion of males and females in Australia in different age groups who did daily exercise in 2010.

#proportion #males #females #australia #age #groups #exercise
The given chart illustrates the
proportion
 of
males
 and females in Australia in different
age
groups
 who did daily exercise in 2010.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen that
males
 did less exercise in all
age
groups
, with the exception of the youngest
age
group
. In terms of the first three youngest
groups
, in the first
age
group
 (15 to 24), the male
proportion
 exceeded the female
proportion
, which made up just over 50% and roughly 47%, respectively. the
proportion
 of females accounted for almost 49%, which was roughly 7% higher than that of
males
 in the second
age
group
 (25 to 34). The gap between the second and the third
age
group
 was widener, the percentage of
males
 was almost 40%
whereas
 that of females was exactly 52.5%. Regarding the other
age
groups
, the fourth and fifth
age
groups
 had similar proportions, both men and women accounted for just above 43% and roughly 53%, respectively. the
last
age
group
 had roughly the same
proportion
 for men and women at around 47%.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should set out what you are going to discuss, the body should cover all key points with supporting details, and the conclusion should summarize the main points or state an overall trend. Avoid combining the introduction and conclusion into one statement.
coherence
A range of linking devices need to be used to create better cohesion and coherence between ideas and paragraphs. Clear paragraphing with distinct ideas in each paragraph will also improve coherence.
task response
When attempting to respond to the task, make sure your essay adequately covers all the data provided in the chart. Each age group's comparison of male and female exercise rates should be mentioned to ensure a complete response to the task. Critical comparisons and key features from the visual data need to be accurately presented.
clarity
To improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, explain and support your points with data. It is important not just to mention the data, but also to make comparisons and draw out the trends over the age groups where appropriate.
examples
Use a mixture of precise and general language to give relevant examples and support your main points. It's important to refer to specific data points as these serve as relevant examples to back up your analysis.
lexical range
Work on lexical range by including a variety of vocabulary. Avoid repetition of phrases like 'the proportion of' and 'age group'. Incorporating synonyms and related terms will enhance the lexical resource score.
grammar
Increased accuracy and variety in grammatical structures will contribute to a higher score. Work on complex sentence structures, using a range of tenses appropriately, and including conditional or passive forms where relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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