IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose art (e.g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e.g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed?

#schools #universities #girls #art #e #g #literature #boys #science #subjects #physics #tendency
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A large number of species are whipping out every year, and
this
 has imperilled Earth's ecosystem in a way that has never been experienced before.
Although
 the protection of animals may seem absurd, when many humans are in a delicate situation;
howerer
Correct your spelling
however
, If one delves into
this
 issue, from a broad perspective, one will come to the understanding, that all species are connected in our ecosystem, similar to a chain, and extinction of some can endanger others. The wolves are hunted by lions,
whereas
 they hunt sheep. If wolves become extinct, there would be no food for lions, and sheep would clear all the grass that exists, which can cause a dusty storm. So the protection of animals has a chain of benefits, not only in favour of humans but
also
 other species.
Submitted by anayasinwriting on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a viewpoint that identifies the interconnectedness of species within an ecosystem, which is relevant to the topic. However, the response slightly veers from the straightforward discussion of the direct impact on human life. To improve, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task.
coherence cohesion
While the essay's structure suggests an understanding of a basic introduction-body-conclusion format, the transitions between ideas could be more fluid. Utilize a range of conjunctions and discourse markers to improve the logical flow of ideas. Additionally, consider expanding the conclusion to encapsulate the essay's main points more effectively.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, with some good examples of topic-specific terminology. However, to score higher for lexical resource, aim to demonstrate a greater variety of vocabulary and attempt to use less common and more precise words.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For a higher score, incorporate a variety of complex grammatical constructions, such as conditionals, passive voice, and relative clauses, making sure each sentence is clear and accurate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • career paths
  • traditional stereotypes
  • unconscious bias
  • role models
  • learning styles
  • analytical skills
  • inclusive environment
  • gender balance
  • diversifying perspectives
  • socio-cultural norms
  • self-fulfilling prophecy
What to do next:
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