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Writing Samples
Band 5

The line graph below shows the changes in the rate of sales of Gold in Dubai in one year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparison where relevant.

The line graph below shows the changes in the rate of sales of Gold in Dubai in one year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparison where relevant.
#line #changes #rate #sales #gold #dubai #year #information #features #comparison
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The
afore-mentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
show examples
 illustration demonstrates Dubai's
gold
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 throughout the
year
Use synonyms
 2002. It shows the fluctuation in
gold
Use synonyms
 purchased during different periods till
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
year end
Add a hyphen
year-end
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2002
Change preposition
of 2002
show examples
. In a nutshell, the rate of
sales
Use synonyms
 reaches a peak in March and drops to the lowest point in July. There are four major tendencies which can be observed through the given line graph: the rising trend in the first 3
months
Use synonyms
, the downfall of
gold
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 in the following 4
months
Use synonyms
, the
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
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 stage between July and October,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 stable period for the
last
Linking Words
 2
months
Use synonyms
. In the beginning, the amount of
gold
Use synonyms
 purchased started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 200
million
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it had a slight increase to around 225
million
Use synonyms
 Dirhams in February. After the initial period, the level of selling
gold
Use synonyms
 in Dubai rose dramatically to 350
million
Use synonyms
 which was the highest spot throughout the
year
Use synonyms
. The next stage from March to July recorded a continuous downward trend in
gold
Use synonyms
 trading until
sales
Use synonyms
 of
gold
Use synonyms
 touched its bottom at approximately 110
million
Use synonyms
. During the next 3
months
Use synonyms
, August’s
gold
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 went abruptly higher, over 200
million
Use synonyms
 but it
then
Linking Words
 dropped suddenly to 115
million
Use synonyms
 in September. For the rest of the
year
Use synonyms
, since October,
gold
Use synonyms
 trading remained constantly averaging over 185
million
Use synonyms
 Dirhams.
Submitted by teachingqa272 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words gold, sales, year, months, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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