The chart below shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

#level #post-school #qualifications #australia #proportion #men #women

The bar chart depicts various levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the percentage of

men

and

women

who held them in 1999.

Overall

, it is noticeable that

Correct article usage

the proportions

show examples

proportions

Fix the agreement mistake

proportion

show examples

men

was higher than

women

throughout the period.

Moreover

skilled

Add an article

the skilled

show examples

vocational

diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

diplomas

show examples

obtained the largest percentage of

men

whereas

undergraduate

Correct article usage

the undergraduate

show examples

diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

diplomas

show examples

lowest. In terms of

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

also

undergraduate

diploma

had the highest proportion of

women

while

skilled

Correct article usage

the skilled

show examples

vocational

diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

diplomas

show examples

smallest over the period in question.

To begin

with

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

masters

Change noun form

master's

show examples

degree

Fix the agreement mistake

degrees

show examples

accounted for 40 % which is 4 times higher than skilled vocational

diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

diplomas

show examples

(10%).

Therefore

bachelor's

Correct article usage

a bachelor's

show examples

degree obtained 50 % which on 20 % higher than

postgraduate

Correct article usage

a postgraduate

show examples

diploma

(30%).

Consequently

undergraduate

Add an article

the undergraduate

an undergraduate

show examples

diploma

was the most popular among

women

. With regards to

men

, there was negligible difference between

Add an article

a masters

show examples

masters

Change noun form

master's

show examples

degree and postgraduate

diploma

, namely 60 and 70 %. The rate of

skilled

Add an article

the skilled

show examples

vocational

diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

diplomas

show examples

was almost 90 %,

whereas

undergrduate

Correct your spelling

undergraduate

diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

diplomas

show examples

only

Add a missing verb

were only

show examples

34 %.

Submitted by aikumarbekarys on Sun Nov 19 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, diploma with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

153 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart below shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Natural resources, such as water, forests and oil, are being used at an excessive rate. What is the main cause of this problem? How can this issue be solved?

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The television is good for you. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of watching television. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your experience.

In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to flight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?