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The chart below shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
#level #post-school #qualifications #australia #proportion #men #women
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The bar chart depicts various levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 who held them in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
Correct article usage
the proportions
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proportions
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proportion
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 of
men
Use synonyms
 was higher than
women
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 throughout the period.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
skilled
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the skilled
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 vocational
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diploma
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diplomas
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 obtained the largest percentage of
men
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,
whereas
Linking Words
undergraduate
Correct article usage
the undergraduate
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Use synonyms
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
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 lowest. In terms of
female
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females
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,
also
Linking Words
 undergraduate
diploma
Use synonyms
 had the highest proportion of
women
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,
while
Linking Words
skilled
Correct article usage
the skilled
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 vocational
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diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 smallest over the period in question.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
female
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females
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,
masters
Change noun form
master's
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degree
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degrees
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 accounted for 40 % which is 4 times higher than skilled vocational
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diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 (10%).
Therefore
Linking Words
,
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
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 degree obtained 50 % which on 20 % higher than
postgraduate
Correct article usage
a postgraduate
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diploma
Use synonyms
(30%).
Consequently
Linking Words
,
undergraduate
Add an article
the undergraduate
an undergraduate
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diploma
Use synonyms
 was the most popular among
women
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. With regards to
men
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, there was negligible difference between
Add an article
a masters
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masters
Change noun form
master's
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 degree and postgraduate
diploma
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, namely 60 and 70 %. The rate of
skilled
Add an article
the skilled
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 vocational
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diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 was almost 90 %,
whereas
Linking Words
undergrduate
Correct your spelling
undergraduate
Use synonyms
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
only
Add a missing verb
were only
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 34 %.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, diploma with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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