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The chart below shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.
#level #post-school #qualifications #australia #proportion #men #women
The bar chart depicts various levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the percentage of
men
 and
women
 who held them in 1999.
Overall
, it is noticeable that
Correct article usage
the proportions
show examples
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
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 of
men
 was higher than
women
 throughout the period.
Moreover
,
skilled
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the skilled
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 vocational
diploma
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diplomas
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 obtained the largest percentage of
men
,
whereas
undergraduate
Correct article usage
the undergraduate
show examples
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 lowest. In terms of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
also
 undergraduate
diploma
 had the highest proportion of
women
,
while
skilled
Correct article usage
the skilled
show examples
 vocational
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 smallest over the period in question.
To begin
 with
female
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females
show examples
,
masters
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master's
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degree
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degrees
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 accounted for 40 % which is 4 times higher than skilled vocational
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 (10%).
Therefore
,
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
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 degree obtained 50 % which on 20 % higher than
postgraduate
Correct article usage
a postgraduate
show examples
diploma
(30%).
Consequently
,
undergraduate
Add an article
the undergraduate
an undergraduate
show examples
diploma
 was the most popular among
women
. With regards to
men
, there was negligible difference between
Add an article
a masters
show examples
masters
Change noun form
master's
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 degree and postgraduate
diploma
, namely 60 and 70 %. The rate of
skilled
Add an article
the skilled
show examples
 vocational
diploma
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diplomas
show examples
 was almost 90 %,
whereas
undergrduate
Correct your spelling
undergraduate
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
only
Add a missing verb
were only
show examples
 34 %.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, diploma with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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