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The proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019

#proportion #businesses #e-commerce #purchases #industry #canada
WRITING TASK 1 The chart presents the amount of e-commerce sales businesses make by industry in Canada from 2015 to 2019.
Overall
, all of the sectors have
an up trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
up trends
an up trend
show examples
 for five years
count
. The manufacturing sector has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated from around 30% in 2015 and reached its peak in 2019 at nearly 60%. The construction's proportion of purchases has risen gradually with 20% in 2015, nearly 30% in 2016, up to 30% in 2017, nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in 2018 and roughly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in 2019.
The wholesale
Correct article usage
Wholesale
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 has made its peak at around 60% in 2019 and has the lowest
count
 at nearly 40% in 2015. The retail has a slight increase from 30% in 2015 to 50% in 2016. It has a thin increase between 2016 and 2019. The
last
 is information and communications, the most stable sales, that already started its
count
 at a high
count
, it was nearly 60% in 2015. In 2018,
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 and communications
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached their peak at 70% and
loss
Replace the word
lost
show examples
 a little in 2019.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and subsequent sentences that expand on that topic in a logical flow. Consider using transition words to help link ideas and sentences more effectively, which can lead to a more fluent and cohesive presentation of your information.
coherence cohesion
Including an introduction and a conclusion can enhance the overall organization and presentation of your essay. The introduction should briefly introduce the graph or diagram and what it shows, while the conclusion should summarize the main trends or features. This can provide a more complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that main points are well-developed with supporting data. This could include giving percentages or trends where relevant, comparing and contrasting data, or providing specific years or figures to give a full picture of the data presented in the chart or graph.
task achievement
While you identified the overall trend for the sectors, you should aim to provide a more complete response by fully describing the range of data presented. This means outlining the key features in more detail and providing a clearer explanation of the trends over time.
task achievement
Work on articulating ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This may involve using a greater variety of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey information accurately and effectively. Avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader, aiming instead for precision and clarity.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples from the data to illustrate the trends you are describing. Refer directly to the chart to support your descriptions with accurate data points and figures. This will show that you understand the information and can analyze it in detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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