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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart demonstrates fractions of businesses' e-commerce
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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 based on industry in Canada from 2015 to 2019. In essence, the construction companies' e-commerce spending rose sharply over the years, followed by
wholesale's
Change noun form
wholesale
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 numbers which climbed up steadily. For
retails
Replace the word
retailers
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, the percentage shot up for a year before slightly
flunctuating
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
manufacturing's
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manufacturing
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purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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 which went up and down drastically. The rates of online commercial payment
was
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were
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 high right from the start for information and communication business and
ascend
Wrong verb form
ascended
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 and
descend
Wrong verb form
descended
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 slightly after. The purchase rates for online promotion by manufacturers started from 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, and the numbers rose unsteadily, having 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in the end. The construction business, in 2015 with the least
salesment
Correct your spelling
salesmen
salesman
 of 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, shot right up to 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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at
Change preposition
in
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 2019. Meanwhile for wholesales, having
high
Correct article usage
a high
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percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
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 of 60
percent
Use synonyms
, ascended slightly
70
Change preposition
to 70
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percent
Use synonyms
. Online commercial use by retail
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 shot up from 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2015 to 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but waned in later years. And for information and communication-related businesses, by 2015 it was already the highest out of all by 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, the numbers
flunctuate
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
 slightly, achieving
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
around 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 rate of promotion via online ads.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shot" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 4 times.
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