It is believed that people should choose their jobs based on income in order to provide security for their families. Do you agree that salary is an important factor when choosing a job? What factors should be considered?

#people #jobs #income #security #families #salary #factor #job #factors

It must be self-convince that it is essential to concentrate on not only health programs but

also

education

In other words

, improving educational levels means more and more chances for inhabitants to reach success in any aspect easily. Schools can focus on not only theory but

also

practices and soft skills in order to let the young generation be capable of tackling all the issues in the real world.

Moreover

, every continent and nation requires a higher level of

education

. By doing that, most of the global problems nowadays can be solved in the future

such

as world hunger, environmental issues, poverty, and so on. One specific example to support the point about the importance of

education

is that studies have shown that countries with higher literacy rates and better-educated populations tend to have lower rates of poverty, better health outcomes, and stronger economies.

For instance

according to

the United Nations Development Programme, countries with higher levels of

education

have higher levels of human development, which includes factors

such

as income, life expectancy, and access to basic services.So we all know that VietNam has a medium educational level so it's obvious that upgrading the

education

system is crucial. If it can be done, VietNam will have the ability

as well as

the possibility to gain success and turn into a developed country, having opportunities to compete with other nations.

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task achievement

You did not directly address the original prompt about salary being an important factor when choosing a job, which affects your category of Task Achievement. To improve, make sure to read the essay question carefully and directly respond to all parts of the task.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential for framing your argument and summarizing your main points. This significantly impacts the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Introduce the topic, present a clear position, and conclude by summarizing your arguments or restating your position.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Develop a clear paragraph structure with each paragraph containing a single main idea that is elaborated upon. Sequence your ideas logically and make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate linking devices.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

229 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is believed that people should choose their jobs based on income in order to provide security for their families. Do you agree that salary is an important factor when choosing a job? What factors should be considered?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The rise of social media had affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, wave and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?