IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people get into debt buying things they don’t need and can’t ‎afford.What are the reasons for this behaviour?What action can be taken ‎to prevent people having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #‎afford #behaviour #action #‎to
Wonder syndrome from customers during shopping time is an interesting topic that some opponents want to explore the reasons what
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 for people have a specific product,
however
, shopping behaviour is a complex system
that is
 designated through advertisement and the ability of customers
recognise
Fix the infinitive
to recognise
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
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quality and price in speedy for choosing products which are not classified into a group of goods that are not essential for a routine life ,
moreover
, pendulous behaviour is the origin ability of human for assessing and calculating ,
however
 , I am going to clarify the possible reasons . One first reason is the imbalance of quality and price that have not been well distributed based on society's needs and income,
however
, false information in advertisements is always the cause of customers who are not fittable behaviour for shopping .
Secondly
, the shopping environment might be a crowdy place or unsupportive for recognizing goods and create foggy thoughts in people's minds, in my experience, the arrangement of a shopping store is the
too
Rephrase
most
show examples
 distinctive factor for having a good experience for choosing products in time. Third , in my personal experience ,when I am hungry or thirsty, I do have not a direct decision to buy a specific product. The
last
 thing might be the demeanour of the seller is a hidden factor that influences your decision. When doubt arises, the better solution is to leave products and stay calm for a
while
 after you can be able to have a snapshot for evaluation and come back if you want.
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. An effective essay should start with an introduction that presents the topic and a thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs that explain the reasons and suggested solutions, ending with a concise conclusion summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is confusing, with ideas not presented in a logical order. It's important to organize the essay with clear, ordered paragraphs where each one focuses on a single idea, including appropriate topic sentences and concluding sentences where necessary.
task achievement
The body paragraphs should contain distinct examples and explanations that support the main points. Be sure to add relevant, specific examples that directly relate to the reasons for and solutions to the problem of overspending and debt.
task achievement
Be sure to directly address the task by clearly explaining the reasons for the behavior and suggesting concrete actions that can be taken to prevent the problem. Each part of the question should be addressed separately and clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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