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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #participation #women #management #three #companies #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table
compare
Change the verb form
compares
show examples
 the percentage of female in
white
Add an article
the white
show examples
 collar in three different corporate
Eldan
ltd
Change the capitalization
Ltd
show examples
,
Bamforth
ltd
Change the capitalization
Ltd
show examples
 and
Finsbury
ltd
Change the capitalization
Ltd
show examples
 over a
period
 of 4 decades.
Overall
, it can be seen
Eldan
company
 significantly increased,
while
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 cooperation in
Finsbury
ltd
 during
this
period
.
Form
Correct your spelling
From
show examples
 1975 to 1985, in
this
 decade
Eldan
 recorded the lowest, the number of
this
company
 receive women join the senior management only occupied 3%,
while
 least than other
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
, and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable
this
 figure still 1980. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it rapidly increased to 14% in 1980.
Bamforth
 had slowly changed, which was 9% to 11,
increased
Correct word choice
and increased
show examples
 by
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2% from 1975
to1980
Correct your spelling
to 1980
.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Finsbury
ltd
Change the capitalization
Ltd
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest proration of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
cooperated
Correct pronoun usage
who cooperated
show examples
 in the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 from 1975 to 1980,
which reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 16%, it was quintuple and twice respectively than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Eldan
ltd
Change the capitalization
Ltd
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bamforth
ltd
Change the capitalization
Ltd
show examples
 in the first time
period
, and
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 slowly rising to 17 in 2000. In 1985, Eland and
Finsbury
 figures were close to the other one
company
, which had 14% and 13% respectively female join the job.
In after
Change preposition
After
show examples
 30 years, Eland
company
 became the most
popularly
Change the word
popular
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 choice.
This
 figure rapidly increased by
three
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 fifth compared（61%）
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1975, which reached 64%. The
Bamforth
 corporation increased fast to 46%, which increased by nearly less than a third (29%)
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
year
Add an article
the year
show examples
.
Finsbury
 became more lowest choice
Change preposition
of
show examples
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 during
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 4 decades, it
was fluctuates
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 and
get
Verb problem
reached
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
26
Change preposition
at
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 in the graph
shows
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by ur790609922 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words eldan, ltd, bamforth, finsbury, period, company with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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