In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this changed occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

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In
this
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contemporary era,
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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adults are spending less
time
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their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
families and more
time
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spend their
friends
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. There are several causes
solutions
Correct word choice
and solutions
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with
Change preposition
to
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this
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notion. To embark upon, there are several causes
of with
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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notion.Predominantly , in
this
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modern era, every adults almost their full
time
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spend their
friends
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instead
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of their
parents
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because they always
share
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their emotions and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
talk with their
friends
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due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of
parents
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do not
Verb problem
apply
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understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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in any situation.
Moreover
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another reason ,they
always
Add a missing verb
are always
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depressed at home thinking about their career and other
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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things even
whenever
Correct word choice
when
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adults have
in
Change preposition
apply
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depression.
As a consequence
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,
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
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support and not
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their child in any problems so that's why they don't spend
time
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their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
. Paradoxically, there are several solutions
of with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
trend. Chiefly, if
children
Use synonyms
don't spend
time
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with their
guidiance
Correct your spelling
guidance
that is
Linking Words
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
presents
Fix the agreement mistake
presence
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because
parents
Use synonyms
should understand their
children
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in any situation and always do support their
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
in good work.
Parents
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should always
share
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their talks with their
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
parents
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will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
share
Use synonyms
their talks with
children
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, the
children
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always
share
Use synonyms
their talks,
Correct word choice
and emotion
show examples
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
with their
parents
Use synonyms
and always stay at home rather than most
time
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spend their
friends
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. In conclusion,
although
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there are myriad causes of
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
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trend
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
not be neglected. The main solution ,
parents
Use synonyms
should spend
time
Use synonyms
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
in their hectic schedule
then
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
definitely spend their quality
time
Use synonyms
with dear
parents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by komalpreet4194 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent structure, with unclear progression of ideas. It is advisable to plan your essay with clear paragraphs, each containing one main idea that is thoroughly explained and developed. Also, transition words should be used to enhance the flow of information.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear issue with the introduction and conclusion as they do not fulfill their purpose effectively. The introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points. You should work on crafting these sections with more clarity and focus.
coherence cohesion
The essay does not sufficiently develop main points with adequate support. It is essential to include clear examples and explanations to back up your statements. This can be improved by extensive planning before writing to ensure each point is substantiated with either a logical explanation or an example.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task, as the explanations and solutions provided are superficial and the second question is not thoroughly addressed. To achieve a higher score, make sure you understand all parts of the prompt and address them directly and fully in your essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are not entirely clear or comprehensive, indicating a need for improved clarity in expression and depth in content. It is recommended to focus on developing fewer points well rather than attempting to cover many superficially.
task achievement
You have provided few specific examples, and the relevance of these to the main points is not always clear. Incorporate relevant, detailed examples to strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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