'We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company.' How far do you support this idea? Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

#laws #businesses #services #numbers #workers #department #area #company #support #idea

It is a common belief that governments should promulgate disciplines on enterprises and government provisions about balancing the quantities of men and women in the workforce. It seems advantageous to remove sex discrimination,

however

, the disadvantages of

this

issue completely outweigh the advantages. The following essay will shed light on both viewpoints.

To begin

with,

this

intent is unrealistic since depending on the nature of the jobs and their requirements, some work is much more suitable for females than males and vice versa.

For example

, almost all teachers in preschools are female. Simply because,

this

employment requires benevolence, patience, and the ability to take care of someone,

by contrast

, it is a difficult dream for a female with a pilot job.

As a result

, corporations can emerge phenomenon that lack skilled people and labor source.

Besides

that, when authorities publicize

this

rule, firms must fire some employees to obey

this

law.

Therefore

, some talented and hard-working workers can dismissed. Thence, politicians had better encourage

instead

of announcing statutes.

Consequently

, discrimination gender can limited,

moreover

, it

also

creates various opportunities for females. In conclusion, the benefit of

this

principle is to decrease distinctions in society, notwithstanding detrimental exceed

such

as many versed

laborers

Change the spelling

labourers

show examples

can extrude and mess up the community.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Mon Dec 04 2023

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coherence cohesion

Develop a more consistent logical structure throughout your essay, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, for a more cohesive argument.

coherence cohesion

Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines the upcoming discussion, and ensure your conclusion summarises the key points without introducing new information.

task achievement

Support your main points with specific examples. You mentioned teachers and pilots, which is a good start, but could be expanded upon for a more persuasive argument.

task achievement

Fully respond to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. Ensure your opinion on the subject is clear throughout the essay and particularly in your conclusion.

task achievement

Work on clear and comprehensive development of ideas. While some points are made, they need to be more developed, logically explained, and analyzed for a higher score in task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

209 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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'We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company.' How far do you support this idea? Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems

Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?