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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #world’s #three #producers #four #dairy #products #summarise #features #comparisons
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The graph presents data about
quantity
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the quantity
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 of
milk
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 and products made from
milk
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 of
three
Correct article usage
the three
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 largest manufacturers in the
world
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 in 2012 It can be seen that
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 Union was the biggest producer of
milk
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 and cheese. It
also
Linking Words
 ranked second and third in the
world
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 about butter and
milk
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 power respectively. Speaking of
milk
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,
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 Union produced 142970
MT
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 in 2012 and ranked 1st in the
world
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. These were followed by India and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States,
produced
Correct pronoun usage
which produced
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 127000
MT
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 and 90038
MT
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 respectively. Similar to
milk
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,
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
show examples
also
Linking Words
 manufactured the largest amount of cheese in the
world
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 (7120
MT
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). And United States ranked second with 4925
MT
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. The third was Brazill just produced 700
MT
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. Apart from the aforementioned products, butter was made by three manufacturers including India,
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
show examples
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States with
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
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quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
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 of 7500
MT
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, 2040
MT
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 and 810
MT
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 respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 product of four different dairy products was
Milk
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 Power which
most
Add a missing verb
was most
show examples
 produced by China with 1200
MT
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 and followed by New Zealand, EU with 1110
MT
Use synonyms
, 770
MT
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 respectively.
Submitted by weezel on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, world, mt with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dairy products
  • Producers
  • Cheese
  • Butter
  • Skimmed milk powder
  • Whole milk powder
  • Global production
  • Metric tonnes
  • Leading
  • Specialize
  • Volume
  • Trends
  • Geographical distribution
  • Significant
  • Comparisons
  • Dominate
  • Sector
  • Diversity
  • Contribution
  • Agricultural output
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