The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different 

age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie chart highlights the percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in various
age
groups in Austria who
consistently
Add a missing verb
were consistently
show examples
involved in physical exercise in 2010 .
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
following graphs there are no special trends observed. All categories are below 55%.
To begin
with, male participants in the 15 to 23 years
age
group
accounted
Change preposition
for
show examples
just over 50%
whereas
females are responsible
47.7
Change preposition
for 47.7
show examples
%.
Then
both
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
to 34
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
men and women
are remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
under 50 %.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
in the
age
group
35 to 44 female participants are less interested in attending physical
activistes
Correct your spelling
activities
which is only 50%
while
males
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for as usual
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other groups
show examples
group
.
However
from 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 years old people indicate the same ratio of physical exercise.
On the contrary
Australian senior citizens
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who are above 65 or more have almost equal
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
of exercise for both males and females which are
respectively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
46.7% and 47.1%. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
it’s clear that half of
Australian
Add an article
the Australian
show examples
population is interested in exercising at any
age
group
. And there is no big difference albeit
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
are considered
ti
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
be a
ittle
Correct your spelling
little
bit more active than men.
Submitted by tanvir0507 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: